for when I feel like sharing a bit with the world and be dramatic
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24-12-2022 Festivities, feasts, and parties are JUST like showers. Everything leading up to them is terrible, everything after it is terrible, but somehow the moment itself is just about worth it. As may be obvious, I really dislike the holidays. I do not want to celebrate christmas, or my birthday. Everything leading up to it is way too stressful and super annoying. I just want to drink tea and read some books, is that too much to ask? Whoever came up with holidays must have had so much energy, I'll blame them forever! |
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02-01-2023 Let's see if I make the same mistake as yesterday. The last week and a bit have been draining. Holidays cost a lot of energy. I celebrated yule, christmas, new years, my birthday, and went on a trip to germany. All in the span of one week. After I spend time on coping mechanisms. But now I'm kind of done with that, which is very quick for me. I have a lot of things to think about, and a lot of things to do, and not that much to do it in. It's also gonna be my sister's birthday in a couple of days. Birthdays are weird. Parties are overrated. I didn't make the same mistake. It's still stupid though. The difference from usual is also, that this time I prepared for my jump back to the groove. And now I can take it right on. |
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08-01-2023 All of a sudden I am descending so very quickly. There is a millions things to do, but somehow I do not get to any of it. The only things keeping me up are also dragging me down below the surface. The very things that keep me floating keep me from flying. I am so confused My handles have become slippery, the only way I can keep from falling is to let them go, but the handles are also holding me, but they are infecting me. Realising that those you love are those that make you sick is so very painful. I am betrayed and I am the traitor. But the only way I can regain my feeting is to let go of everything. I can only learn to stand again if the ones holding my hands are not also the ones kicking at my feet. I need to message my therapist. |
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26-01-2023 The past couple of weeks have really been quite a roller coaster. I have been depressed for the majority of it, but it started to fade when I finally followed my intuition, made a choice I have been avoiding for a very long time. Then all of a sudden good things started happening again. I closed one door, and others opened almost immediately, and I didn't even try. Actually I tried not to open doors, but yet it happened. Now I have to go for a drink with my friend. Goodbye. |
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15-07-2023 Computer works again! I finally got it fixed so now I can work on this site again! I'm gonna figure out how to do improve the backend before I extend it a lot. Also I'm gonna figure out how to work SQL so I can make a database of my rock collection and maybe also a little digital library. Lastly, I got a super comfy shirt! |
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18-07-2023 Last entry I forgor to mention that I got my autism diagnose recently, whcih for me explains quite a bit! |
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